In response to this, from one of our best pals (and a Monty Python reference in The Book*):
This TED talk was huge in helping me be better in conversations (mostly just being more empathetic). It was so good and helped me be a much better friend, husband, co-worker, and acquaintance.
By the way, I'm planning on taking up the (music) keyboard / electric piano. If you have any suggestions, advice, or thoughts at all, you can reply to this or use this form (or just comment on this post).
Also: Important post coming on Monday.
*Re: conversations from said Book:
1. Ask people about themselves. Only answer questions.
Except maybe our kids, we are each our own favorite topic.
(Yeah, I know that is laughable, coming from an egomaniac expecting you to read a book about himself. Sorry.)
Aaron Ross, a selfless, dedicated, globe-trotting animal advocate (not my super-jock basketball teammate) is the best I’ve ever met at this. Once, I asked him a question, which he answered very briefly. Then he asked me a question. I did the same. We went back and forth like a tennis match. It was hilarious.
Very few people are truly present in a conversation. As Trish Hall notes in Writing to Persuade: “Sometimes people appear to be listening, but they are just trying to figure out where to jump in.”
Except maybe our kids, we are each our own favorite topic.
(Yeah, I know that is laughable, coming from an egomaniac expecting you to read a book about himself. Sorry.)
Aaron Ross, a selfless, dedicated, globe-trotting animal advocate (not my super-jock basketball teammate) is the best I’ve ever met at this. Once, I asked him a question, which he answered very briefly. Then he asked me a question. I did the same. We went back and forth like a tennis match. It was hilarious.
Very few people are truly present in a conversation. As Trish Hall notes in Writing to Persuade: “Sometimes people appear to be listening, but they are just trying to figure out where to jump in.”
One way around this is to never respond to something said; only reply to direct questions. That way, you can focus on what the person is saying.
Corollary: Feelings matter more than facts.
In spring 2016, our then-21-year-old offspring flew to DC for interviews at the Science and Technology Policy Institute. Paul met EK for dinner and gave them this advice:
Corollary: Feelings matter more than facts.
In spring 2016, our then-21-year-old offspring flew to DC for interviews at the Science and Technology Policy Institute. Paul met EK for dinner and gave them this advice:
It isn’t what you say to an interviewer, it is how you make the interviewer feel.
This, of course, sucks, as it just perpetuates the entrenched power structure – upper-middle-class white dudes hire more of the same. But it is important to know how the game is played, especially when you’re coming in as the only vegan being interviewed.
EK did get the job, which led to beating a Republican in the White House’s bowling alley. (Yay!) But also meant shaking Newt Gingrich’s hand. <shudder>
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